Blowjobs

I meant to post this entry yesterday, but in my kushed out mental state...I forgot to do so.

This post was inspired by the excellent blog, NoMaas. They came up with this post a few weeks ago and it brought a tear to my eye. In order to avoid the tag of "plagiarist", I instead opted for the tag of "late." 

Regardless, the following image makes me a very happy Yankees fan.

Thomas, I don't get what you're trying to prove.

With the exception of CC Sabathia, what do these guys have in common? WE FUCKIN DEVELOPED THEM IN THE FARM SYSTEM! Also, in Phil Hughes' next start, he will probably take over the team's strikeout leader. Hughes has 2 fewer starts than CC with an 8.53 K/9 ratio to CC's 7.36.

So to all you bitch ass Yankees haters...

Long story short, Yankees haters can S my D. *salutes*

And So It Ends

So my torment has officially ended. The 2009-2010 NBA season has reached its conclusion  and unfortunately, another champion has been crowned.

As a proud, sometimes nauseatingly so, New Yorker, this year's NBA finals was vomit inducing. I don't remember 2008 much because I was contemplating suicide as Yankee after Yankee went down with an injury and Yankee after Yankee underperformed his way to a playoff-less season. Since I was born in 1988, not seeing the Yankees in the playoffs is like a visit to the dentist - numbing with an annoyingly faint and indescribable discomfort. This year, I am not as psychologically and emotionally damaged. Thus allowing me to feel some form of emotion as it relates to this year's playoffs.

No, clearly not in 2008.

First off, I have the worst rooting interests in the history of pro basketball. I am cursed with having an affinity for loose, offensively minded basketball teams. My team this year was a severe disappointment, my Denver Nuggets. So much talent, so little resolve. Did George Karl's health concerns affect the team? Very possibly. *sigh* Such is my life.

Secondly, it is no surprise that I am a Yankees fan. Despite being so, I really do not feel the vitriolic disdain for all things Boston that most of my fellow Yankees fans have. Really, my severe loathing and contempt for Boston is isolated to the Boston Red Sox. So basically, I wasn't exactly rooting against the Celtics because they have 3 players I really like: Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen. I like Pierce because he was stabbed 11 times in a club and still played in all 82 games. Gangsta. I also stole his patented step back jumper. Rajon Rondo because he is probably my favorite point guard in the League right now, overtaking Boom Dizzle. Ray Allen because he has the sexiest jump shot form in the world. You don't understand how physiologically perfect and poetic his jump shot is... it's incredible. (Double pause). However, because they were a Boston team, I felt obligated to root for the other team. The only problem is...

I hate this guy and I will take every chance to shit on him I can.

Third, the other team had Kobe Bryant. His existence offends me. I am from Camp Jordan and I will never leave Camp Jordan. Consequently, every mannerism, every fadeaway, every scoff at a teammate is just another failed attempt to be more like Money. Am I a hater? All signs point towards yes. But I don't give a fuck. I hate Kobe Bryant. He's a fraud. He tries to act hard and fails. He tries to keep it hood and fails. He tries to model and he...looks like the picture above.

Fourth, my hatred for Kobe Bryant also got in the way of my New York pride. The Lakers had two guys from my borough.... QUEENS! Shoutouts to Queensbridge and Jamaica. I'm happy for RonRon and The Goods. Two New York kids putting in work for the title.

Fifth, I actually enjoyed watching the Celtics play basketball, further conflicting with my New York pride. They play fantastic team defense and their offense is fairly dynamic for such a defensive minded team. I'm sorry if I offended you New York...but you know I hold it down for you wherever I am.

Sixth, in my mind, I wished the following scenario would have occurred: Prior to Game 7, the Staples Center gets destroyed with nobody in the building. As a result, David Stern is forced to deem the 2009-2010 NBA season to be championless. New York rejoices. Speaking of a happier New York...

Ciara is a bad baaaaad woman. Does she have to do with anything in this post? You decide.

Lastly, today is June 18, 2010. In 13 days, LeBron James will officially become a free agent. This is probably one of the most important offseasons in recent memory for the NBA. More importantly, this is the most important free agent year for New York basketball in recent memory. If the Knicks sign Breezy and someone else (Bosh?) The Knicks look real good on paper. Will they be a playoff contender? If they decide to play defense, I think they can be.

In two weeks, the 2010 NBA season can be salvaged. Here's to hopes and dreams...

The city of New York would be so lucky.

The Most Overrated Event in Sports

The World Cup sucks. I said it. I don't care who I offend. The World Cup just sucks.

I can't stand the fucking horns that are blaring for 90 unfathomably unbearable minutes.

I can't stand the flopping. Fuck Spain especially. Don't think I forgot what your basketball teams did in 

北京 2 years ago.

For my female readers...if I have any.

Regardless, after much soul searching, I have finally formulated my rooting interests. The United States and South Korea. My rooting for the United States is pretty obvious. Gotta hold it down for the Red, White and Blue. My rooting for South Korea is fairly mind-numbingly predictable. Basically, South Korea is the closest country to China and we both share the historical commonality of being imperialized by Japan. While North Korea is actually geographically closer to China than South Korea, I cannot rationalize the notion of rooting for a country run by someone who is probably dead and a country that has butchered Karl Marx's ideology regarding communism. I'm a Marxist at heart, what can I say.

Speaking of bibimbop... as I was watching the ESPN broadcasting of the North Korea - Brasil game, I ran across an interesting anecdote. Supposedly, Chinese actors were paid to be North Koreans for the duration of the World Cup and root unabashedly for the North Korean squad. My roommate and I laughed vociferously. Such is the reality of an isolationist, totalitarian regime.

Seriously though, the vuvuzelas need to fuckin go. They are annoying as fuck.

For my male readers. If you focus enough, you can find a flag.